This isn’t any speed run ladies and gentlemen. This one goes out to all the homies and homegirls that have been friendzoned but want to do it even faster for the next time. Yeah sure, you got rejected. But if you’re gonna enter the zone, why not enter it as a legend?

Develop A Crush

Aye yall already know how it goes. Not that hard. Go out there, spend some time with a girl/guy. They smile back at you. You think to yourself “Wow this is going great :)”

You get her number, you follow my articles. Sheeesh, you even break the touch barrier. Absolutely 10/10, would recommend on yelp. Now, you go back to your room, reliving the night in your head. Wait, you look at the signs again. Was she playing with her hair? Did he hold eye contact for 0.04 seconds longer than normal? You start to overthink it. Small details escape your memory. Oh no, you have a crush.

This is where the speed run begins. Once you realize, oh snap, I might like that person, that’s when it all starts to go downhill.

Speed Run Rules

You end the speed run if :

  • you get left on read
  • you get left on delivered (it happens :/)
  • they respond with laughing emojis and only laughing emojis
  • they respond with haha or lol or lmao
  • they call you bro/sis
  • you get ghosted

Speed Run Tactics

These tactics are tried and proven, not to mention very, very effective. Try a combination of these tactics to achieve the best results.

  • Sending them unfunny cringe facebook looking memes
  • Telling them you play league of legends :)
  • Fast (and I mean very fast) Replies
  • Being desperate
  • Talk about your exes
  • Advance too fast too soon
  • Imply they are a rebound
  • Talk too much about Krafts Cheese Singles and Transformers

Ending Notes

I believe in you. The friendzone is basically inevitable. All that changes is how fast you can enter it.

In the comments, put your fastest times and what got you to that time.

My current record: 4 text messages!